This is my Sunday Morning. I am still sleepy. I wish I could have slept more. Nevermind. Had my breakfast, got my room all tide and organized. Maybe I will go for a walk. I should… as I havent been doing any exercise for a long time. Perhaps go have lunch at the Natural restaurant, in Ipanema.
You know what? I dont enjoy my “lifestyle”. Actually, I dont hate it as well. What I do in my day to day routine is pretty much going to work, speak to Cam online, watch DVDs and surf the internet. Once a week I usually go have lunch with my twin aunties. Of course, being distant from Cam can be painful and lonely. Because on a day like a Sunday, when I dont have to go to work, I feel depressed. I miss Cameron so much! SO much!!! its like I dont have any reason to get out of bed whatsoever. Thank God, its less than two weeks now for Cam to come over and we will spend a wonderful time together, just us. This is so important. We need this more than anything. We dont see each other since June. We have 11 days to go. Not long now. Thank God. Not long now.
Another thing that makes me feel so depressed is when I think about how fast time passes and that life is so short. Recently I found out that my cousin´s wife has cancer in her bones. She is young and has two daugthers (15 and 10 years old). She will die soon…. Life is too short. Life is a bitch.
I wish life could be more simple. I wish life was simple enough for me to get on a plane and go to NZ for good. Stay with my husband everyday and never having the feeling of missing him close to me again. He is the love of my life! This is HUGE! This is absolute important thing one can have. But still we are having to live apart. Well, we need money to sustain ourselves and thanks to money we get we can get planes to meet each other, or have technology to be together (even virtualy) and treat ourselves.
Cam knows that I dont feel comfortable with his father, let alone depend on his business to survive. But I am going to NZ next April and maybe this next time I will finally feel Cams family as my family and all my fears will fade away. But, besides the emotional issues, we relly need to be sensible and realistic. What I earn would be enough to sustain Cam and I if necessary. No luxury at all. Just the good enough. But still something that is ours and only ours. A “sure thing” we can rely on. Considering the bad world economic situation, I believe we should be grateful for having this egg nest. The money I save is an egg nest for Cam and I. Anyway, NZ has a new Prime Minister and who knows, maybe the economy will improve and Cam´s business will improve. And there will be no money worries or “panic attacs”… Maybe Cams father wont see me as a “financial threaten” or whatever.
Every time I go to NZ I have the hope that things will be different between me and my in-laws in a much better positive way. I am patient and I will never give up. Never.
I am here writing Xmas cards for my sister-in-law, Angela, for Cams parents and for his aunt June. Hopefuly the cards will arrive soon. I wish I could transport myself to NZ and England and give them a hug and tell them that we can start again and be a good family. And for the sake of my husband´s happiness, they will need to make an effort to be closer to me in a loving family way.
You see, I never put and I will never put any pressure to force Cam to live here in Rio with me like I will never try to force Cameron to do anything, whatsoever. Simply because I love him and, to me, to force somebody to do anything has NOTHING to do with love, but has to do with ego problems and being selfish.
So, what if our marriage is “different” because we are living in different countries?? I have my mind at easy and peace in my heart knowing for sure I have being doing the best I can. Maybe another person living the same situation would be doing better, but I, Ana Lucia, I am doing the BEST I CAN. Time will tell in our favor, I am sure. Time will prove that all the efforts we are making are so worth. And, later on, when we get older and we realise we can live together with good savings and health insurance and comfort, we will be grateful.
Anyway, Cam will be here soon and we will have such a wonderful time together.
I love you, my darling husband.
I would like to add some pictures of my husbands vegetable garden. I think its so amazing that Cam has lots of nice lettuce and tomatoes! 
This is my Turdsday morning and I should start getting ready to work soon. I am seeply. My husband just went to bed now. I miss him. Wish I was very together with him now… He will be here with me soon. Thank God! I MISS him SOOO MUCH!!! Much more than the words can say. I dont really care for Xmas time whatsoever. My Xmas will be my husband close to me. This is my reason to celebrate.
There is a online community of Brazilian girls married to kiwi at Orkut. Anyway, there is a girl, she is married to an Ozzie guy and a month ago she asked if any of us would know anybody living in Melbourne because she and the husband were going to live there. I posted a msg telling her I couls introduce her to a couple of very nice people (my husbands friends). she never ever responded! How RUDE! This is so Brazilian, actually, and I hate it. Rude!!!!! Well, worst for her… what a cow. Sorry.
Almost two weeks for Cam to arrive here and almost two weeks for my tme off work and I am sooooooo looking fowrard. I am tired.
Anyway, gotta make the bed and get ready to work. Tonight should be fun TV evening for me. There will be a movie about Celine Dion´s life and also her concert. Looking forward to watch it.