Im here in my Little House, with my husband.
We are here in Whangarei and its warm and cozy in the lounge.
Missing my husband and everything here so much!
Whangarei grew up on me and now I like it a lot! Feel at home here.
I dont want to go back to Brasil.
Changing subject, this morning I received good news about my father. He left the intensive unit care at the hospital and is in a regular room.
I am positive that when I get home I will find him there and things should go back to normal.
Its been really hard to me since I got the news about his faint at the supermarket and everything that came along with it.
Great fear of loosing my father and the changes that would follow his loss.
I am soooo grateful that this horrible incident happened after I left Rio so that I could be here with my husband spending these wonderful 12 days with him.
Every time is better.
But, anyway, yesterday I was in real dispair I cant even describe it. I was afraid of what my fathers condition could affect my priorities in life (which are my husband,my work and looking after myself).
Its already hard enough for me being distant from my husband. Feeling depressed specially on Sundays because I feel so lonely.
Its really painful waking up and not feeling motivated to do anything because my husband is not with me. And we must be online with each other to talk and be as together as we can.
I have very few moments of happiness in my life and I felt so afraid of losing everything because of having to be responsible for my father.
I dont want to spend the whole day at the hospital with him. Let alone the nights. No way.
Well, these thoughts made me desperate, super stressed!
I will see what happens and how will I feel when I arrive back in Rio.
I am asking God to help me see things clear so that I will know what to do.
Also there is work.
Nobody tells me what happened exactly but I know there has been some significant changes.
Oh boys…
Hopefully I will have a safe and smooth trip back to Rio.
Wish I could bring my husband with me and we’d live in Ipanema togetherand I would be feeling much better about everything in my life.
I dont want to be alone.
I know that everything that has been happening to me is a sign that I should make some changes in my life. I hope I will be strong enough to do what I need to do. Starting from self-respect.